I think, finally, the enormity of what all has happened this whole year has hit me. I can't believe, now that summer is approaching, that I don't have camp coming. I knew, back in November and December, that it hadn't really hit me yet that all of this was actually happening, but now it finally has. That all of those people I love so much will probably never all be in the same place at the same time for those two weeks, or at least a part of them. And all of the amazingly crazy and fun things we always did that I don't think I ever realized how much they meant to me, until now, when I don't have them anymore.

Phone calls, hearing certain songs, and seeing pictures come up on my scrolling picture screen saver keep making me come close to tears, which is very out of the ordinary for me. Not really sure what to do about that. At the same time, I hate that it keeps coming up in my brain all the time. I feel like I'm being selfish or something, thinking about it all so much when I haven't directly really suffered from what happened, and I also feel like I think about it too much or something. I can't really describe the feeling I feel, it just seems like I should stop thinking about camp and everything that happened and just move on. But the little kid part of me just keeps clinging to every memory and piece of me that's still lodged with that place.